Riddled with Flaws

One giant character flaw that I have is that I always want to fix people. I take on everyone else’s problems and make them my own. If you are hurt, I’ll find you a band aid. If you were just broken up with by your boyfriend, I’ll offer to run him down with my car. If you need a kidney, here, take mine – I have two. Most people think that it’s a great thing, but it’s actually driving me to the brink of insanity.

As of late, I’ve noticed that more and more when someone tells me that something is wrong, I immediately try to figure out how I can solve their issue. And why – isn’t it their problem that they should deal with? In my mind, they’ve come to me because they need my help. But that’s not necessarily the case.

So I’m taking a new stance. When someone talks to me about a problem, instead of immediately asking what I can do, I let them talk it out. Maybe they just need to vent, or maybe they just need someone to listen. I have a hard time not offering my opinion but that’s different than trying to fix it for them.

It sounds like I’m complaining, but I’m not. I’m just truly emotionally spent right now. I’m stressed out, and I don’t know how to deal with my own issues. I’ve done this to myself and I understand that. It’s just that I’m focusing on figuring out who I am and I can’t do that when I’m concentrating my efforts on everyone else. Sounds selfish right? Well I think it’s only fair that for awhile, I get to be selfish. I’m going to focus on the friendships that are good for me – spending time with people who put as much effort into our relationship that I do. Does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so. Maybe you do.

I’m not making much sense right now. But that’s okay. I’ve said it time and time again, I’m a constant work in progress.

Tidings of Comfort and….Joy?

I apologize for the horrible picture – still experimenting with the camera on my new phone but I wanted to share with you a card I received from a co-worker today.

I laughed so hard my eyes were watering. Mostly because I imagined that little chihuahua shivering from the cold with that little had and scarf on.

Go on, I dare you not to laugh.

Swing and a miss

I’m having a bit of a struggle these days. I feel as though it’s the bottom of the 9th, the bases are loaded, I have two outs and the pitcher just threw me a curve ball. I’ve been having a good year, in fact I might even call it a great year. I’m healthy, not so wealthy (but I’m okay with that) and since I turned 30 I feel every so slightly wise. Then December hit and things seemed to go down the proverbial shitter.

Trying not to be a Debbie Down here but in one week (in one night actually) I found out that I was rejected from Berkeley for their psychology graduate program. The auto generated letter was nice though. They thanked me for my interest in their VERY competitive program, but informed me that I don’t the relevant course and work experience to warrant entry into the program. Are they kidding? Did they not see that I was a camp counselor for the better part of 6 years? Dealing with cranky children should MORE than qualify me. Did they completely miss the heartfelt message in my entrance essay about the experience I shared with a child with autism and tourette’s? I made a friend of mine CRY by reading my essay. Sheesh. So one school down, four more to hear from. I should probably be more upset by this but it’s being trumped by…

My boyfriend breaking up with me. As I have said to friends…"A man came between me and Troy and his name is….Jesus Christ." Yup, you read that correctly. I was broken up with because I don’t have faith. Or rather I have faith but not in the lord above. And I’m okay with that. I’ve never understood organized religion, and I’ve never understood the expression that God only gives you as much as you can handle. Well, someone up there must think that I have carry a load because I’ve been dealt a wee bit too much. I’ve been patient in waiting for the right guy to come along. I’m not freaking out because I’m 30 and still single while many of my friends are well on their way into marriage, buying houses with white picket fences, and having babies. I thought I had found someone special, and yes he seemed way to good to be true but I held out hope that he was the right one for me. It’s okay that he’s not, because I would much rather find out now, instead of a year from now when I’m madly in love.

And now my roof is leaking. Ugh.

Beach Balls

Ask me what I did at work today? Go on…ask me.

I blew up beach balls. I blew up freakin’ beach balls. I have a college degree people!

No, I don’t work at a summer camp, or an amusement park, or even a water park.

I work in an office.

I believe this falls under "other tasks as assigned" in my job description.

This post brought to you be the letter E

E for Exhausted. I’m home from a weekend spent on the glorious Marrowstone Island. My friend Heather and her husband have a house there, and they were so lovely to invite a big group of us up there. Don’t know where Marrowstone Island is? Google it! Because every time I try to explain where it is, people look at me like I’m making names of little towns up. Just because they all start with Port doesn’t mean I’m crazy.

The weather couldn’t have been any better, which allowed us to spend most of our time outside. We played badminton, walked on the beach, played board games, drank margaritas from a gas powered blender (!), rode around the island on the scooters, ate amazing food, drank Corona’s, and chased the dogs around the yard.

So yeah, margaritas from a gas powered blender. It’s just about the coolest kitchen gadget I’ve ever seen. It looks like a blender that sits on top of two handle bars, but when it’s blending it sounds like a chainsaw cutting through wood. I love it. I want one. Must get it.

After playing all weekend, I’m exhausted. I blame the sun – it makes me tired. I barely made it up in time to come into work today – but I had so much fun it was worth it.

Breaking up is hard to do

Breaking up with someone when you aren’t together is a concept that I was introduced to a few weeks ago. An ex of mine basically broke up with me even though we aren’t currently dating, or considering dating each other. It started out as a random conversation and quickly progressed into how much he cares about me but we can’t be together. There is something missing – when I asked what that was, I was given the typical "I don’t know, something is just not there" verbal vomit. To make me feel even better he said that it makes him uncomfortable when I hug him or give him pecks (I hug everyone!) because it makes him think that he might want to be with me, when he doesn’t. HUH?!? WTF?!? I asked him several times why we were having this conversation but my simple question must have sent his brain into overdrive and he couldn’t seem to answer.

I was so perplexed by this conversation that I of course, told all my girlfriends and we all came to the conclusion that he’s wacko jacko and has lost it. It got me thinking about the best break up lines that I’ve heard from friends, guys who have broken up with me, and lines that I have used to get out of a relationship. Here are my favorite in no particular order:

• I don’t see myself marrying you. Ever.
• I think I see you more as a friend than anything else.
• By the way, I moved to Chicago three days ago.
• I think of you more as a brother/sister.
• I am breaking up with you now before you get too attached to me….so I am doing you a sort of favor, aren’t I?
• I don’t want you to feel like I’m breaking up with you. I just can’t be in a relationship with you anymore.
• Remember when you slept with my roommate and I forgave you? I’ve been harboring this against you since and I just can’t do this anymore. By the way, she has herpes.
• There was a time when you took my breath away, but now you are just sucking the life out of me.

And my personal favorite – You just aren’t enough of a bitch.

Another installment of why I shouldn’t listen to music at work

Most days I listen to music on my ipod while I’m working. Mostly it’s so I can tune out the incessant ringing of my desk phone. Also because I have the extreme misfortune to have the cubical located between the worlds two loudest women. Sometimes I wish my desk could be located in a sound proof bubble where I can’t hear anyone around me….

…right…back to what I was talking about. So I’ve been listening to the GLEE soundtrack because well…I’m one of those 29 year old Gleek people that obsessively watch the show. It feels like the unhealthy addiction to 90210 I had from 1995-2000 (I was ten when it aired in 1990, I wasn’t allowed to watch it then). In fact, sometimes I still watch re-runs on SoapNet. No one can forget the episode where Donna gets drunk at the prom, and then Mrs. Teasley tells her that she’s not going to be able to graduate. The whole gang bands together and goes up against the PTA or whatever. It’s a very moving moment in TV history…or something. DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES.

….so I’m listening to the GLEE soundtrack and "Jesse’s Girl" comes on and it was almost like I forget where I am because I started kinda dancing in my chair. I can tell when I’m singing out loud loudly, but sometimes I just forget to not sing out loud. So I’m dancing in my chair a little bit (which slightly resembles someone having a seizure) and then I guess I started singing to myself. Once again, the big boss man comes up behind me and as I round out the chorus, he starts laughing. His laugh is hard to miss so I start blushing and we have our usual banter of how I shouldn’t quit my day job to take up a music career.

Maybe it’s just the songs I’m singing that he doesn’t like?

NYC or Bust

First let me say I’m sorry for the time in between posts. The last few weeks have been INSANE and I haven’t really had time to sit down and write. Bad excuse right? I know, and I’m sorry.

Last week I was able to spend some time in NYC with friends. It’s been about 5 years since I was last in the city and it felt like no time had passed. My trip started out with a drive out to the camp that I worked at for several summers in Pennsylvania. My good friend Megan was having her wedding at camp and I was so excited to get there. Despite finding myself lost (who needs 18 different interchanges to get to Penn?! Time to rework your highway system NJ & NY) I made it out to camp in about 4 hours. I arrived the day before the wedding to help out with whatever Megan needed and was pleased to find so many of my old camp buddies were already there. The funny thing about camp is that no matter how long you have been gone, or how long it’s been since you’ve seen the people there…it feels like coming home to family. I can’t describe it…

I am quite proud to say that I did the makeup for the entire wedding party. It was so much fun! I’ll post pictures when the bride sends me some. The wedding was wonderful – the weather cooperated, everyone looked amazing, the food was great, the booze was flowing (I’m pretty sure I hooked myself up to a straight drip of vodka), and everyone was dancing. My favorite moment of the night was when the camp director David got up on stage and lead the crowd in a rousing rendition of Sweet Caroline. EVERYONE was singing and dancing along. Classic! You know what’s not so great though? Being hungover, and having to drive 3 hours back into the city while dealing with traffic. Yup, that was how I spent the day after the wedding. At least it only took me 3 hours to get back, instead of my previous 4 hour trip. I didn’t get lost – surprising!

The next four days were spent roaming around the city. I’ll post more on the things I did soon. It would be hard to fit everything into one post.

Unless you want to hear about the amazing blisters I gave myself because I wasn’t wearing shoes made for walking miles and miles. I eventually found myself in a Foot Locker buying child sized sneakers (what? they’re cheaper) because I’m a moron and didn’t pack walking shoes. Because I could go on and on about this for hours. Or more like 5 minutes because then the story gets boring.

I’m thinking I’ll try and get back to the city sometime around Christmas or early next year. I still need to see Wicked and American Idiot.

During my recent trip to New York, I was able to make it out to Liberty Island where the Statue of Liberty is located. Seeing it up close was amazing and I don’t think I’ll ever forget how massive she looks.

*Tip: If you ever find yourself wanting to visit Liberty or Ellis Island, make sure you get there early. The lines can be extremely long if you get there in the afternoon.

NYC Bound

I’m leaving tonight for New York! Well…technically my first stop on my trip is New York, but then I’m leaving immediately upon landing in my rental car and driving out to the camp I worked at for numerous summers. A good friend of mine is getting MARRIED on Friday and I’m lucky to be in attendance. But after that…after that I’m going back to New York to spend 5 glorious days in the city. Can you feel how excited I am? If the speed at which I’m typing is any indication, then you’d know how excited I am.

There are 1000 things that I need to do before I leave, and I don’t seem to have the time to do them. Damn you full time job! You are cramping my style.

Last night during my laundry/packing frenzy, I realized I only need about half the clothes that I had intended to take with me. But now that I’m sitting and thinking about it – I’m going to repack what I took out. I’d rather have lots of outfit choices than not enough. I have this horrible paranoia about not packing enough clothes and being stranded somewhere. Mainly I worry about being stranded in NY without my clothes – because I probably can’t afford to even buy a pair of socks in that city.

I also had issues when packing my carry on. Since I’m getting off the plane and driving for three hours, I wanted to pack a few things so I could freshen up before we land. But then I started to remember what I can and can’t bring on the plane. Do they allow toothbrushes? Can I bring my makeup? Will they laugh at me when they see the size of my makeup bag? So I’ve opted to just pull over at some point on my journey out to camp to brush my teeth and freshen up my makeup. I haven’t seen some of these people in five years. I can’t go there looking all haggard and tired. Right?